U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
