shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
