The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
