i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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