we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i think i just lost a toe
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
