Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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