you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
