im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
