I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
