Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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