i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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