My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
