weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
