OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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