I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
