I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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