You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
