PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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