Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
