i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
