We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
whose parrot is this?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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