Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
A+ Viking dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
