I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
