I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
