I'm so fucking centered right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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