just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize