When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All the doctor said was why
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
