Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
