K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
