i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
