I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
