I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
