eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
