Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
