i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
