the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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