and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
