More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
