the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
