Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
