note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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