Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
