Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
