He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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