he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
