Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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