Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
