You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm really busy with my period
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