I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
