You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
