I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
