I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
