It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize