He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
