My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think my vagina is haunted
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
