I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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