I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
