he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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