went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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