I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
