Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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