I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
