If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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