a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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