I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
