I bet he comes in French.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
