just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
