stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this boner is exhausting
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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