Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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