Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
