Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As shirtless as possible
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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