Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
