thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
