All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize