im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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